


Nino and Pan-chan

by albinococonut23



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pandas, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 16:24:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2031795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/albinococonut23/pseuds/albinococonut23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nino is lonely until, one day, his doorbell rings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nino and Pan-chan

**Author's Note:**

> At first this was an excuse to write drabbles about Nino and a baby panda, and then it turned into a near 13k word love story. Whoops :P

 

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[](http://pics.livejournal.com/albinococonut23/pic/00014ggp/)  
  
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One day his doorbell rings. Nino pauses his game and crosses the house to answer it. At first glance, nobody appears to be outside, but he hears a soft snuffling sound and looks down in shock to see a baby panda sitting on the doorstep.

 

"Ah! What--...?" He looks around. The little animal is all round curves and soft, tufty fur. It is also quite small. No way could it have rung the doorbell on its own... And yet, there is nobody else at all present. Nino crouches down hesitantly, and the little panda peeks up at him with wide, shiny eyes. Nino reaches a hand out warily and the baby paws at him harmlessly, letting out another small sound. Nino can't help the adoring grin that creeps onto his face. "Where did you come from...?" He murmurs, petting the defenseless creature behind one of its round black ears and trailing his hand down its neck as it leans into his touch. To his surprise, he finds there is a thin rope tied loosely around its neck. He lifts it off curiously and finds there is a worn tag attached to it. "A gift for you.” He reads out loud and then frowns deeper. “A gift?... For me?”

 

The baby swats at the rope playfully, regaining Nino’s attention.

 

“But, aren’t you endangered? Is it even legal to give pandas as pets?” The panda doesn’t answer him, but Nino figures the answer to the second question is a definite ‘no’.

 

Nino notices a couple of middle-aged women walking down the street. He recognizes them from his neighborhood, but becomes alarmed when he sees they are staring curiously at his open doorway. Probably because he is crouched, and probably not very visible from the street. The panda has gotten the end of his sock in its mouth and is attempting to pull it off of him without much luck, and Nino is suddenly overwhelmed with alarm. What if they come up to investigate? He suddenly doesn’t want anybody to see Pan-chan -as he has already decided to call her in his mind. If they see her, they might take her away, and Nino can’t help but feel protective and possessive in the face of such a playful bundle of cuteness.

 

“Pan-chan, quick!” He picks her up under the arms and cradles her snugly to his chest. She is a cozy fit. Carefully he waddles back inside and closes the door, sitting and leaning back against it in relief. He holds the panda up in front of him at eye-level, staring hopefully into her masked face. “You’re a gift right? That means I can keep you… right?” As long as nobody knows, he adds silently, and a grin works its way onto his features. “You can be my secret friend, okay Pan-chan?”

 

Pan-chan leans forward and licks the tip of his nose.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino’s game stays paused for a very long time, and when he realizes he forgot about it he just saves his progress and turns it off. No need to add to his electricity bill when he’s not even using it.

 

Pan-chan consumes all of his free time. She’s a rambunctious handful, and he’s glad Arashi is taking a break for a few weeks. Otherwise, he’s not sure how they would manage. He often thinks he could ask the other members for help, but he doesn’t trust them to do anything but lecture him. He knows he probably shouldn’t be keeping the Panda, just as he knows to keep it secret that he’s keeping her anyway. He can’t help it though. She showed up on his doorstep after all, like fate brought them together. It was almost magic.

 

Nino loves magic, and he’s a firm believer in it… but not like people like Aiba are. Aiba is the kind of guy who sees things like a child does. He’s innocent enough to believe magic tricks are hocus pocus, real and honest and innocent, just like in fantasy and fairy tales. Nino knows magic tricks are as they say in their name, tricks. They are calculated and planned, sleights of hand and a catchphrase here and there to distract before they leave people wondering how you did it. But this –Pan-chan appearing out of nowhere and the strange bond he feels like he formed with her right away— makes Nino wonder if the magic that people like Aiba see really might exist somewhere outside his deck of cards.

 

“Pan-chan!~” He sing-songs, wandering into the kitchen with the baby animal waddling along behind him on her short legs. “Are you hungry?” He digs around for her special milk mixture –he found the recipe on the internet- and fills a cereal bowl with it. He sets it on the floor for her and frowns into the empty pitcher while she laps it up hungrily and messily by his feet. “I guess I need to buy more milk…” He mumbles to himself, not liking the idea of leaving her home alone. Still, she drinks up a big bowl of the mixture twice a day, so he’ll have to make a quick trip to the grocery store some time before noon if he doesn’t want her going hungry.

 

Luckily, Pan-chan always gets really drowsy after she eats. Nino digs out the old playpen that he used to nap in as a baby and which happens to be shoved in the back of his closet from the last time he had to babysit his sister’s kid.

 

Pan-chan tries to chew on the cloth as he wipes the milk out of her fur and then clings tightly to him while he carries her to the pen. The idea of a ‘bear hug’ is never going to be the same to him now that he knows the real thing. And he loves it. “There you go.” He soothes, setting her down. She’s heavy, he can’t carry her for long periods of time, and he wonders if he’ll end up with considerably more muscle definition as a side effect from trying to raise her. It’d be a nice bonus. For a minute she cries, but he takes the blanket and pillow from his bed –the ones she likes to sleep with- and puts them in beside her, and its only a few more minutes before she’s snoozing softly to herself.

 

“Okay.” He breathes, throwing on his jacket and a hat and sunglasses. His keys are already in his hand, clenched tight to keep them from jingling. He hasn’t left the house in a week, and it’s probably a good thing that he’s forced to stock up on his groceries. There are fliers spilling out of his mailbox, and he picks out the first grocery-related ones with ‘SALE’ on them that he sees. “Hmm…” He doesn’t have more than an hour and a half tops before Pan will wake up, and the closest is an open market down by the waterfront. That’s where he goes.

 

Milk is heavy so he makes multiple trips to his car. He has the trunk full of all his own personal groceries and four two-liter cartons of milk. He is currently on his way there, carrying two more in the bag hooked onto the crook of his arm.

 

“Nino?” He hears a voice behind him and stiffens for a moment before the speaker is coming around to face him and peeking out from under his own pair of shades. It’s not a fan, it’s just Ohno, and Nino relaxes a bit. “I thought I recognized you!” He laughs.

 

“You scared me, Captain. I didn’t recognize your voice.” Nino scowls, attempting to cross his arms though the weight of the milk makes him strangely lopsided. “And what if it hadn’t been me?”

 

“Hey, don’t be mad. I haven’t seen you in ages… I got excited.” He pouts and Nino finds he can’t stay angry. Ohno reminds him of Pan-chan in that he’s adorable, and squishy-looking, and gives awesome cuddles… the only problem is that Ohno’s not nearly as satisfying to cuddle when they’re off camera and Nino gets the cold-shoulder –and sometimes an elbow to the ribs— any time he tries to so much as hug the older man in a not-strictly-manly-and-platonic fashion.

 

Nino sighs despite himself. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I was fishing, and then Mom said I should stop and get some celery for supper since there was a market nearby.” He grins, holding up his own shopping bag, and Nino is surprised that he’s only just noticing the darker tan, covered in a sheen of sweat, residual sunscreen and dried sea spray. He smells like the ocean too, Nino notices, and then he notices the stink.

 

“Uh… that smell…?"

 

“Fish!” Ohno beams proudly. “I’ve got a bunch to take home today.” And he holds up the bucket in his other hand as proof. The lid is closed, but the strong smell of fish is still escaping. Nino wrinkles his nose. “Too much, actually… And there’s still some at home from the last time I went. Dad says he’s sick of eating fish…” He’s pouting again, and then he turns his gaze back to Nino’s. “Do you want some? I’ll give you most of them if you want!”

 

“Uh, no thanks Oh-chan I—“

 

“Ah please? You never eat my fish but they’re really good!”

 

Nino wants to say that just because Ohno caught them doesn’t necessarily make them any better than any other fisherman’s catch, but he knows he’s biased when it comes to Ohno anyway so he’d still probably think they were the best if he tried them. Ohno’s still doing that pout, and again it makes his heart flutter at the same time that it also reminds him of his Pan-chan. “…Fish?” He says slowly, brow creased as he thinks seriously about the offer. If he were to guess Pan’s age, he’d say she’s probably around six months. Maybe it’s about time she tried some solid food…

 

“Yeah, they’re fish.” Ohno answers, smirking in a slight, crooked way that says he’s being amused by whatever Nino is doing.

 

Somehow, that expression always makes him uncomfortable, so Nino flushes and shifts the bag of milk to his other arm because it’s starting to hurt. “Yeah, well I guess I’ll take some then.”

 

Pan goes crazy for the fish once he convinces her to try it, and he tells Ohno later that he ate them, and ‘they weren’t half bad’.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

When Pan-chan gets too rambunctious (usually resulting in her clinging to him or attempting to roughhouse with him –which is cute except her claws and teeth are rather sharp-), Nino sometimes plays his guitar for her. She likes music, and she’ll stop to listen curiously if there’s a CD on, but she especially likes it when he plays for her, or sings. Frequently, it only takes a couple of songs to lull her to sleep, or at least into a really limp and snuggly mood.

 

It’s after one such session that Nino finds himself laying on his couch, with the panda a warm and comfortable weight on his chest. She’s chewing and tugging gently on his shirt collar, and the little puffs of her breath are warm on his cheek. He might have drifted off himself if his cell phone hadn’t vibrated in his jeans pocket. It takes a bit of maneuvering to pull it out and get the device to his ear.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Nino, hey.” It’s Sho, and Nino smiles because it’s been a while since they last spoke and he misses it. “What’s going on?”

 

“Not much, just lazing around.” He can hear noise in the background on Sho’s end. “You?”

 

“I’m with Aiba-chan and MatsuJun. Jun’s trying to get in touch with Ohno-kun.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“We’re going out for drinks, to celebrate the success of MatsuJun’s stageplay now that it’s over. Are you in?”

 

Nino winces. He really does want to go, but then there’s Pan-chan to consider…

 

Sho senses his hesitance, and Nino can hear the frown in his voice. “You already said you’re not doing anything right?”

 

“Right…” Nino quickly thinks of an alternative option. He’ll look like a jerk if he blows off the others now, but would Pan-chan be all right to stay home alone for a few hours?

 

She wriggles against him a little, looking to get more comfy, and lets out a quiet sigh. Nino doesn’t mean to chuckle.

 

“Nino?...”

 

“Ah, yeah. Sorry.” He pauses another moment. “But yeah, I’m in.”

 

She’s already so sleepy, he doubts she’ll be up to much mischief at this hour of the night.

 

Just in case, he digs out a demo CD of his own music and puts it on repeat before blockading her in the living room with her toys and some pillows and blankets. He’s careful to clear away anything she could eat or cause trouble with, and he leaves the lights dim.

 

She doesn’t seem to notice when he slips out.

 

A little short of three hours later, Nino finds himself sitting at a booth in a dark corner of a nightclub. Sho is to his right and Jun is across from him. The two of them are having a relatively adult conversation about something or other, while Aiba and Ohno have long since left to find the bathroom and more booze. Nino watches them stop to chat with a group of scantily dressed women near the bar, and he sees when they forget about returning to the booth and let themselves be led out onto the dance floor.

 

“I don’t think they’re coming back.” Nino says, trying not to sound bitter.

 

“Huh?” Sho follows his gaze. Aiba is bouncing around in the crowd the way he normally does, grinning so wide you’d think it was painful. Ohno moves to the same rhythmic beat, but his feet remain on the ground. “Oh. Yeah, probably not.”

 

Nino averts his eyes. It’s hard enough to watch Ohno move his hips like that when he isn’t surrounded by a bunch of attractive women.

 

Jun snorts. “They’re crazy. You watch, pictures of this will be in the tabloids tomorrow.” He sounds amused though. After all, dancing at a club is not all that scandalous, even if the dancing is a little on the raunchy side. And this is a pretty high profile club. There are no paparazzi. The other patrons are other celebrities; musicians, actors, models, and anybody else with a big enough name to get past the bouncers at the door. It’s unlikely that anyone will intentionally sell out one of their own, especially when they have the power of Johnny behind them.

 

Even if Jun thinks they’re crazy, Aiba bounds up to them a moment later and it doesn’t take all that much convincing to get Jun to go with them.

 

Nino tilts his glass back and forth, watching the liquid slosh while Sho laughs and watches their friends out on the floor. He’s not surprised that Jun went, Matsumoto has grown increasingly fond of Aiba over the last few years, and seems to have increasing difficulty saying no to any of his requests. Nino’s also not surprised that Sho is still sitting beside him. Sho’s cheeks are red, and he’s laughing at pretty much everything, but he’s not completely hammered yet. Sho doesn’t dance unless it’s for work, or he’s a lot more drunk than he’d like to be.

 

“So,” Sho starts, and Nino turns to face him. “How have you been?”

 

Nino shrugs. “Pretty good.”

 

“It’s been forever since we last hung out, huh?” Sho sets his glass down, empty.

 

“It’s only been two weeks, though. Not even. A week and five days.” Nino points out.

 

Though it’s not really funny, Sho laughs so hard that Nino fears he’ll choke. In the end, he doesn’t, but he does sink down in the booth against Nino’s side as if the laughter had completely drained him of energy. “Nino~…” He sighs, dragging out the syllables of his name. “You’re funny.”

 

“…Not really.” Nino smirks wryly.

 

Sho chuckles giddily and shifts closer, forcing Nino to lift his arm out of the way to accommodate him. “A week and five days?”

 

“Yeah.” Nino settles his arm around Sho’s shoulders and fiddles with the hem of the older man’s vest.

 

“You’ve been counting?” Sho asks, tilting his head to look up at him. Nino can tell by his wide eyes that he’s just asking, and not trying to tease him. “’Cause that’s pretty exact, I mean.”

 

“Counting?... Not really. I just counted it a minute ago, that’s all.”

 

“Hm.” Sho hums, and shifts a little to a more comfortable position. “…I missed you.”

 

Nino blinks and looks down at him, but Sho’s looking away and he can’t see his expression. “… Missed me?”

 

“You haven’t really been in touch.”

 

“…I’ve been busy.”

 

“Gaming?”

 

Nino shrugs slightly.

 

Sho chuckles. “You should get out more.”

 

“I don’t mind staying in, you know…”

 

Sho shakes his head. “No. Call me, okay? It doesn’t have to be anything big, like this, but call me when you’re free. I can keep you company.”

 

Nino wants to say he already has company, but he doesn’t want Sho to think he’s living with someone and start demanding to hear all the details. He really doesn’t want to get into the details. “Okay.” He says instead.

 

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Going back to work is a lot easier than Nino imagined it would be. It’s not hard to block the entrance to his living room, and as long as anything valuable is out of reach and she has plenty of toys, water, and some calm music to listen to, Pan is able to keep herself occupied for however long he’s gone. Luckily, the other members are quite busy but Nino isn’t currently working on any solo activities, which means he has time to slip home at least a couple times a day to make sure his panda is fed.

 

After the first couple of days she doesn’t even seem to be bothered by his long absences. Nino is torn between being proud of her independence, and feeling a little sad that she isn’t as clingy as she used to be. He wonders if this is what fathers feel like when their kids grow up.

 

A few weeks back into his regular routine, and there’s a new rumor floating around in the tabloids. Something about Ohno dating some model or other, and Nino would normally shrug it off because it’s unusual for there not to be baseless rumors flying about their personal lives, but he catches Jun warning their leader to be more discreet with his relationships and can only assume that this one must be true. He hadn’t known Ohno was dating anyone, but Ohno has never been one to discuss his love life, or romantic interests, with the other members.

 

In fact, he never has. Not even once.

 

Nino hunts down the tabloid article out of –a burning- curiosity. Turns out the model is a girl, and though he’s not really surprised by the news, it’s still disappointing.

 

His mood is sour for the rest of the filming, and in between takes he catches Sho eyeing him with blatant concern. At the end of the day he’s the first to leave the studio, and he rushes home wanting nothing more than to bathe and fall into bed. He stews in the bath until his fingers are all wrinkled, but hesitates before climbing into bed. Instead, he finds Pan-chan, pulls her away from her new chew toy and hugs her close to his chest. Her fur is rough and thick, and he buries his face into the space between her round, black, ears. His eyes burn, and there’s a lump in his throat that makes it hard to swallow.

 

To top things off -and actually start his tears flowing- Pan-chan doesn’t take well to being separated from her toy, and after a bit of wriggling, her claws dig into him and she chomps down on his arm. He lets her go with a muffled yelp, and sits dejected on the floor while she goes off to enjoy her toy in peace.

 

For the first time since he decided to keep her, he really wonders if he can keep doing this.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino is sitting in the green room, flipping through a manga absentmindedly –and letting Aiba read over his shoulder- when Sho enters.

 

“Ohno-kun, they’re ready for you.” He says, and Ohno gets up from the couch across from Nino and Aiba’s armchair (which was actually just Aiba’s before Nino crammed himself in beside him). Sho waits until the door has closed behind their leader before approaching the two in the chair with a concerned frown. His gaze is pointedly directed at Nino, but Nino pointedly ignores him. “…Nino, are you alright?”

 

Nino raises an eyebrow but doesn’t look up from the page he’s reading. “Sure.”

 

“You’re being weird.” Sho says, ignoring his answer.

 

Nino lowers the book a bit at that, but angles it so that Aiba can still see it. “Gee, thanks.”

 

“There was plenty of space on the couch beside Ohno.” Sho points out, eyeing the chair that is obviously not comfortably accommodating its two occupants. Nino knows what Sho’s really getting at is his obvious avoidance of Ohno these last couple of days, but he pretends he hasn’t caught on. He doesn’t want to think about Ohno right now, it only makes him feel stupid for clinging onto a transparent hope for so many years.

 

“You know I’m fine with invading personal space.” He says, and then brandishes the manga. “Besides, we’re sharing.”

 

Sho’s frown deepens, and he looks annoyed by the excuses. “Masaki isn’t even paying attention to that, Nino.” He says as he turns away to pour himself some coffee.

 

Nino nearly jumps in surprise a second later when Aiba’s fingers ghost over the skin of his arm. “Nino-chan… how did you get this?” Aiba says softly enough that Sho can’t overhear them. His brows are furrowed in concern; his eyes wide and searching as they rise from somewhere lower than the pages of the manga. Only then does Nino realize where Aiba’s gaze has really been focused for the last several minutes. His sleeve on the arm holding up the manga has fallen down, and the bite mark stands out clearly on his pale skin.

 

Nino shivers, blood running cold, and he hurriedly pulls his sleeve back down to his wrist. “It’s nothing.” He assures him quietly. “A friend’s dog bit me. It’s not deep…”

 

Aiba stares at him for a long minute, expression serious but otherwise unreadable, and Nino fears that Aiba can see right into his head and past the lie. “…You should be more careful.” He says at last, just as Sho tosses his stir stick in the trash and turns back to them.

 

Nino nods, and Sho eyes them suspiciously. “…What did I miss?”

 

Aiba points to the manga now lying limply in Nino’s lap. “It’s really dramatic.”

 

Sho looks dubious, but he lets the strange tension between them slide and sinks into the couch across from them with an exhausted sigh.

 

Aiba squirms uncomfortably, and then wrangles himself free of Nino’s limbs so he can get to his feet. “I’m going to go find MatsuJun,” he announces.

 

“I think he’s talking to some staff members about costumes for this summer’s tour.” Sho offers without opening his eyes.

 

Aiba grins goofily. “Exactly. I want to make sure he’s not getting too carried away.”

 

Sho chuckles quietly and Nino cracks a smirk, picking up the manga again as Aiba leaves them alone in the room. He runs his eyes over a few panels, finds they don’t hold his interest, and lets his eyes drift over the top of the pages.

 

Sho’s head is lolling on the back of the couch, eyes closed and face relaxed. His whole body is practically limp with exhaustion, the cup of coffee in his hand probably forgotten and left to go cold. There are a few handsome wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, and then faint worry lines on his forehead that Nino has never noticed before. They are barely visible, but it seems like Sho has been frowning a lot in recent years. He always has something to worry about, whether it’s work, his family, or one of the other members. Sho is the worrier, but how often do people take the time to worry for him?

 

Nino looks him over now, and it’s apparent that Sho is quite thin. This isn’t really unusual. All of them are at least a little underweight, and there have been bad periods for each of them, but it’s common for Sho to be pretty up and down with his weight. He says he gains weight easily and that he has a tendency to overeat, but he also has a tendency to go overboard with losing weight –especially in times when he’s too busy and stressed to follow a healthy diet. Right now he looks too small for the fitted clothes given to him by the stylist. The angle of his jaw is sharp and almost too defined beneath the skin stretched across it. He looks unhealthy, like he hasn’t slept or eaten well in a long time.

 

Nino feels incredibly selfish now for feeling so down about his own problems. It’s been a long time since he actually believed there was a chance Ohno might (or might someday) reciprocate his feelings, so he shouldn’t be moping so much now that his meager hopes have evaporated.

 

When he comes out of his thoughts, he realizes that Sho has lifted his head from the back of the couch and –while he still looks exhausted- his eyes are open. He takes a sip of his coffee and grimaces at the temperature before meeting Nino’s stare wearily. “Look, Nino.” He says gently. “I’m not going to force you to confide in me if I’m not who you want to talk to, but I’d be glad to listen whenever if you’ve got a problem, or if you just want to talk.”

 

Nino sighs softly. “There’s no problem.” He says, and he means it. He doesn’t want to keep mourning something that he should have put an end to years ago.

 

Sho looks like he doesn’t really believe him. He chews his bottom lip for a moment before continuing in a small, tentative, voice that Nino’s not sure he’s ever heard him use before. “… There’s nothing going on between you and Satoshi?”

 

Nino stares back at him for a long moment, not sure how to read the question or the warily expectant expression on Sho’s face. He doesn’t know whether Sho’s questioning Nino’s recent distance from Ohno or the status of their relationship, but it doesn’t really matter because the answer is the same either way.

 

“Nothing at all.”

 

Sho looks like he’s trying to interpret the answer, but he doesn’t get a chance to question Nino further before Ohno reappears and informs Nino that it’s his turn for individual shots. Nino smiles and gives Ohno a friendly thump on the shoulder on his way out.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Pan-chan is no longer the tiny puffball that appeared on Nino’s doorstep all those weeks ago. She’s grown, strong and sturdy, and any effort to lift or move her now leaves Nino panting and breaking a sweat. Aside from becoming more independent with age, she’s also becoming more restless. Nino doesn’t really blame her, she doesn’t really get out much, and his place isn’t all that big. And after coming home on several nights after long days of variety show shoots to find that she’s knocked over a lamp or mauled the side of the couch, or attempted to climb up the curtains and knocked the rod right off the wall, he decides that maybe a bit of exercise and outside stimuli would do her good.

 

On a rare day off, he hauls her into the large dog kennel he recently purchased and –after a long, arduous, struggle- manages to load it into the back of his Pajero. He uses the vehicle’s navigation system to find a road off the beaten track that winds behind a park. There’s nobody around, and all of the paths and walkways are further into the woods. In the trunk, her black nose pokes curiously through the bars of her kennel while he gets her leash and collar (it’s actually a cord of soft rope, because the pet store didn’t sell any dog collars that looked big enough for her neck) ready.

 

For the next two hours she lumbers happily through bushes and around trees, dragging Nino along behind her. He tries to get her to play with him, but she’s a lot more interested in this new environment than she is in whatever games he tries to engage her with. She’s so busy exploring that she’ll hardly spare him a glance whenever he calls to her. Luckily, she’s so tired out when they get home that she passes out on his bed almost immediately, and Nino is exhausted enough to do the same.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

“… I have a hypothetical situation for you.” Nino starts.

 

Sho looks up from his newspaper but doesn’t say anything, just waits for Nino to continue.

 

Nino licks his lips nervously. “Let’s say you found a wild animal that was totally defenseless and… uh, really cute, and you decided to try and raise it.”

 

Sho’s brow furrows and he opens his mouth to say something, but Nino continues before he can get a word out.

 

“And let’s say the animal is really attached to you, but then it starts getting big, and harder to care for, and it’s not that interested in you anymore… Would it be weird to be feeling kind of abandoned, or kind of lonely? Hypothetically?”

 

Sho frowns at him for a long moment. “…You’d better be talking about a stray cat, Nino.”

 

Nino rolls his eyes and gets up to leave. “Do you not know what hypothetical means?”

 

“If you’re keeping anything weird, or dangerous, as a pet—” Sho continues, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

 

“I’m not Aiba!” Nino exclaims, exasperated. “Give me a break!”

 

Sho watches him leave with pursed lips.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino really shouldn’t be surprised when Sho shows up at his apartment, unannounced, before the week is out. Under normal circumstances Nino would have pretended he wasn’t home and not answered the door, but he was expecting a pizza delivery and Sho’s red hat had hid his face and looked kind of Italian-ish through the door’s peephole.

 

“Hi.” Sho says when Nino opens the door. “I paid for your pizza.” He passes the box to Nino and then waves a DVD case with an awkward smile. “And I brought a movie.”

 

“…Shit.” Nino says. He debates slamming the door shut in Sho’s face, though that would probably seem suspicious (and rude), but Sho worms his way into the entranceway before he can come to a decision. “Um. Why?” Nino says eloquently, watching Sho attempt to be inconspicuous about peering into the living room.

 

“Because,” Sho answers, “we don’t hang out enough.”

 

“Yes we do.” Nino argues. “We work together. We work a lot.”

 

Sho rolls his eyes. “Come on, it’s a good movie.”

 

Nino squints at the DVD case, makes out the word ‘Zombie’, and already feels himself giving in. Sho would never call a Zombie movie good if he wasn’t trying to kiss someone else’s ass, and his self-sacrifice is somehow touching enough to make Nino give a resigned sigh. “Fine, but I’m warning you… it’s a mess in here.”

 

It really is, so messy that when Nino flicks on the lights Sho actually stops and stares in a combination of shock and horror at the wreckage. Nino takes Pan-chan on excursions as often as he can manage, but that’s frequently not often enough to keep her from acting out and destroying the house while he’s at work. Luckily, Sho caught him shortly after returning from a daytrip to the woods, and Pan-chan tired herself out enough to be sleeping soundly in the bedroom, out of sight.

 

Nino hurries to gather up some of the mess strewn on the floor and the furniture, tosses the throw pillows back on the couch and grabs a large armful of laundry that she pulled out of a drawer he’d carelessly left open that morning. “Just let me put this away.” He says, struggling not to drop a pair of shorts. He nods towards the couch. “Make yourself comfortable.” He says and then staggers off to his room. Pan-chan is a large furry lump in the middle of his bed, snoring loudly with her head buried under his pillows. Nino sighs, the sound somewhere between fondness and exasperation, before dumping the pile of clothes in the corner of the room. He’ll sort through them later and see what can be salvaged. Most are probably crusty with dried saliva, and he spies at least one pair of pants that she’s chewed a hole through the leg of.

 

He doesn’t like leaving Sho unsupervised for so long, so he backs quietly out of the room and closes the door behind himself.

 

Sho is sitting gingerly on the edge of the couch and looking quite concerned when Nino reenters the living room. Nino immediately sweeps passed him and into the kitchen.

 

“Nino, what happened in here?”

 

“I was just… frustrated about a game level I couldn’t beat.” Nino calls back, hoping Sho won’t notice the dust that indicates his gaming consoles haven’t been touched in weeks.

 

“So you destroyed your house?” Sho sounds incredulous. “That’s not like you…”

 

Nino comes back in, shrugs and passes Sho one of the two beer cans he’s holding. “I’ll control myself from now on. Now, can we watch the movie?”

 

Sho eyes him strangely but drops the subject and passes the DVD over. Nino busies himself with putting the disc in the player, flicking off the lights and gathering the necessary remotes before crouching on the far end of the couch, putting as much space between himself and Sho as possible. Sho glances towards him briefly, but doesn’t make a comment about the distance. Nino presses play.

 

The tension in the room takes a while to dissipate. Nino feels bad, because he knows he’s the reason Sho is sitting so stiffly to his right, but he finds it hard to relax with the knowledge that Pan-chan is just down the hall. He’s so distracted that he’s hardly paying attention to the movie. Instead, his gaze keeps flickering towards Sho and once the movie gets going, he can’t help smirking. Sho looks so tense that he’s practically vibrating with nerves, and every time a zombie leaps out on the screen he visibly flinches.

 

Nino manages to hide how much he’s secretly enjoying Sho’s discomfort until a particularly nasty reanimated corpse comes abruptly out of the shadows and rips one of the supporting characters in half. It’s horrific, and unexpected, and Sho has his drink lifted halfway to his lips when it happens. Sho actually jumps, letting a strangled, “Oh god” out beneath his breath, before cursing at the beer spilt in his lap. Nino sinks sideways onto the cushion between them, covering his mouth to try and muffle his cackling.

 

Sho stands up and scowls halfheartedly down at him. “It’s not funny.” He snaps, grabbing some tissues from the box on the coffee table and trying to pat himself dry. A smile clearly threatens to turn the corners of his lips, and Nino expects Sho’s as relieved as he is that the ice between them is broken.

 

Once Sho’s crotch is as dry as he’s going to get it, they both settle back on the couch –but this time side by side. Nino finishes his drink and lets himself sag against Sho’s sturdier shoulder (the slope is comfy to rest his head on). Sho still jumps every once in a while until Nino gets mad at him for disturbing his comfort, and from then on he just squeezes Nino’s hand instead. Nino thinks that this is the first time he’s felt really relaxed in a while, and so when the credits finally roll and Sho suggests they stay cuddled up where they are for a bit, Nino readily agrees and allows himself to drift into sleep.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino jolts awake to a terrified screech. His living room is dark, and he’s disoriented from sleeping, so it takes a moment to register that the movie ended long ago and thus can’t be the source of the screaming. It takes another muffled exclamation of fear to make Nino haul himself into a sitting position and realize that the voice he’s hearing is very familiar and the couch beside him is very empty.

 

“Oh hell no.” He mumbles, heart caught in his throat as he stumbles to his feet and out of the room. There is a pitiful whimpering noise coming from the end of the hall, and when Nino fumbles around and finds the light switch he sees that Sho is cowering on the floor, arms over his head like he’s attempting to shield himself from the bear hovering over him and pawing curiously at his backside. Nino sighs, too tired to do anything but be exasperated with the situation.

 

Pan-chan clambers over Sho and begins nosing around his ear. “Oh god oh god oh god.” Sho whimpers, cringing away from the wet nose and shaking visibly.

 

Nino rolls his eyes. “She won’t hurt you, Sho.”

 

Sho peeks out from behind his hand. “Nino!” He gasps, attempting to crawl out from under the bear. Pan-chan sits her weight down on his back to keep her new play thing from escaping. “H-help!” Sho wheezes, looking like he might hyperventilate. “There’s a bear on me! A bear!”

 

“Yes, but she’s mostly harmless.” Nino says, stepping towards them and tugging the bear gently by the ear. “Come on, get off him before you break his ribs.”

 

Pan makes an annoyed snuffling noise and lumbers over to Nino’s side, leaning against his leg and letting him scratch her neck.

 

Sho scrambles up until he’s sitting against the wall, knees hugged protectively to his chest. He gapes at the animal sitting at his friend’s side, eyes wide and panicked. “What—?!” He starts, chest heaving for air.

 

“Sho, this is my pet panda.” Nino says, hoping that if he explains this calmly he can keep Sho calm as well. “Her name is Pan-chan.”

 

Pan-chan yawns, opening her mouth wide as if trying to show off her big, white teeth.

 

Sho’s eyes roll back in his head and he slumps, unconscious, to the floor.

 

Pan-chan looks almost pleased with herself. Nino scowls at her and pokes one of her puffy cheeks. “Brat.”

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino is putting a cold, damp, washcloth on Sho’s forehead when Sho’s eyes flutter open. He looks around, clearly confused to see the ceiling of Nino’s bedroom and Nino kneeling beside him.

 

“You fainted.” Nino supplies, crossing his arms on the mattress.

 

Sho looks embarrassed, but still confused. His gaze drifts beyond Nino and then he freezes up, staring wide-eyed at the pair of masked eyes peeking over the end of the bed at him. He takes a deep breath like he’s going to start freaking out again, and Nino forcibly pushes his jaw closed.

 

“Calm down.” He says dryly, getting to his feet and then scowling at the bear in the room. “Pan, out!” He commands, pointing to the door she pushed open when he wasn’t paying attention. He pulls the rope toy from her mouth and tosses it out in the hall. She bounds after it. “Play by yourself, okay? Be good.” He closes the door firmly behind her and turns around to find Sho sitting up and gaping incredulously at him. “…It’s okay, Sho.”

 

“N-no it’s not!” Sho counters, shaking his head. “You’ve got a freaking bear in your house!”

 

“Calm down, okay? She’s sweet. She won’t hurt anyone, and I’ve been managing okay for all this time.”

 

“Nino, I’d be concerned enough if you’d taken in a stray cat, but that’s a bear! A bear! Where the hell did you get it?!”

 

“Her.” Nino frowns. “She just came to me. She appeared on my doorstep, and I took her in.”

 

“Are you crazy?” Sho exclaims, pushing the covers aside and getting up. “Nino, pandas don’t just roam around Tokyo.”

 

“I know it’s weird! I don’t know why she showed up, but she did. She was tiny and defenseless so I took her in.”

 

“You can’t keep a panda! It’s probably illegal. You could get in a lot of trouble if anybody finds out!”

 

“Well they won’t if you keep your mouth shut about this!” Nino yells back, starting to get frustrated.

 

“It’s a panda.” Sho reasons desperately. “She was tiny when you found her, but look how big she is now! She’s like a Rottweiler! And she’s bound to get bigger! You can’t keep her cooped up in here unnoticed forever!”

 

“How would you know?!” Nino shouts, fists clenched. “Pan-chan and I are doing fine like we are now! If you hadn’t gone snooping around when you shouldn’t have been—”

 

“You told me yourself that she’s not happy! She doesn’t like it here!”

 

“You don’t know anything!”

 

“I know what you told me! That animal isn’t happy here with you! No matter how hard you try, you can’t keep her happy!”

 

Nino is shocked when he feels wetness hit his cheeks, he hadn’t realized he was worked up enough to cry, and -judging by his expression- Sho is just as surprised. He tries to take a deep breath, but it hitches in his throat and he ends up sobbing instead. He turns away and sits on the end of the bed, facing the wall and trying to stop the tears flowing.

 

“… Nino,” Sho says quietly, and Nino hears him approach before he feels Sho’s hand rest tentatively on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I—“

 

Nino squeezes his eyes shut, wanting to open his mouth and tell Sho that he shouldn’t apologize because he was right all along anyway, but he doesn’t want to admit it.

 

“I didn’t mean to—… to upset you, or anything…“ Sho continues uncomfortably.

 

Nino bites his lip. “… I don’t want to lose her, Sho.” He manages to whisper.

 

Sho’s hand tightens comfortingly on his shoulder. “I understand that.” He murmurs.

 

“I mean, she’s been with me for almost three months and I like that she’s here when I come home, and when I go to bed and get up in the morning. And it’s-…” He breaks off, knowing he’s rambling. The more he says the more it hurts, and the last few words come out forced and barely audible. “… It’s nice to feel needed by someone, you know?”

 

Sho’s hand on his shoulder gets almost uncomfortably tight, and then he sits beside him and pulls Nino into his arms. The action is abrupt but it’s almost four in the morning so Nino can’t be bothered trying to escape. Plus Sho’s hug is strong and warm. Sho’s arms around him feel thin and wiry, and when Nino hugs him back he can feel the muscles in his back shifting slightly beneath the smooth material of Sho’s polo shirt. It’s completely different from hugging Pan-chan, but not in a bad way. Nino cries into Sho’s chest until he’s too tired to do anything but sleep.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino wakes up tucked beneath the covers of his bed. He is alone, and the bedroom is empty. From somewhere in the house there is a loud whirring noise, which is probably what woke him up.

 

Panicked, he clambers out of the bed and nearly sprints out of the room and down the hall. The smell of coffee is strong in the air, and the first thing Nino notices when he gets to the living room is that it’s a lot tidier than it was the night before. Sho is vacuuming his carpet leisurely, holding a mug of steaming coffee in one hand. Pan-chan is sprawled on the couch on her back, and swatting at the vacuum cord whenever Sho passes by.

 

Nino watches with wide, disbelieving eyes for a long minute before Sho notices he’s there and turns the vacuum off. The room is weirdly silent, and Pan-chan rolls over to watch them with interest.

 

“…What’s going on?” Nino asks, half wondering if he’s still dreaming. He rubs his eyes but Sho is still standing there, holding his vacuum and not looking more than a little wary of the bear hanging around right behind him. Nino’s eyes feel dry, and he’s sure they’re red and puffy.

 

Sho scratches his head awkwardly, accidentally making his bed hair worse than it already was. “I think I’ve gone crazy, probably.” He says. There’s a long pause while Nino waits for Sho to continue. “…Do you want some coffee?” Is what he says instead, putting the vacuum aside and going into the kitchen before Nino can even say yes or no. Once the coffee is poured he hands it over and then sits on a stool at the counter, fiddling with his own mug.

 

Nino cautiously sits beside him.

 

“About last night…” Sho starts after a long pause. “I said some things that maybe I shouldn’t have… Well, I didn’t know what your panda was really like, and I panicked without trying to see things from your perspective.” He chews his lips for a moment. “She seems nice. I know that she obviously means a lot to you, and… Well, I want you to be happy, Nino. None of us want to see you get hurt because of this. I still, personally, think that it would be best for both of you if she was in a better panda-like environment, but I won’t make that decision for you. Okay? I’m not your mom. You can do what you want, as long as you’re safe about it.”

 

Nino considers this in silence and then nods. “Thanks.” He says quietly. He doesn’t make a decision.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*  
  
  


Nino spends the next two days moping around, both trying to decide what he should do with Pan-chan and trying not to think about it at all. Sho gives him his space and doesn’t bring the subject up again, but he makes a habit of giving Nino encouraging smiles whenever Nino seems noticeably down. Deep down Nino knows what he should do, but he doesn’t know if he can bring himself to the make the decision, or what he’d do afterwards. He’s very confused.

 

They finish a magazine interview early in the afternoon on that Thursday. Ohno spent the whole interview squashed in Nino’s personal space and acting clingy and mushy enough to keep the interviewer constantly blushing. This is also confusing, not only because Ohno usually never initiates this sort of fan service without it being planned ahead of time, but also because Nino doesn’t feel himself react the way he normally would to the other man’s close proximity. He reasons that he’s just too distracted by his internal dilemma.

 

Jun and Nino are the last to leave when it’s over, and Jun insists they go grab lunch together instead of going their separate ways.

 

“I haven’t talked to you much lately, just the two of us.” Is his explanation, and Nino agrees because he doesn’t feel like being rude and Pan-chan won’t be that anxious to see him anyway.

 

Jun drives them to a café he apparently frequents, and over a well-prepared lunch they talk about the usual topics. The conversation mostly revolves around work, but occasionally touches on different drinking excursions Jun has gone on recently with his friends or new and recommended restaurants and stores that are getting attention lately, or deserve to be. Jun offers to pick up the check without Nino even needing to ask, which is weird, and then suggests they go for a walk and get some ice cream from a vendor near the park. Jun gets strawberry and Nino gets vanilla, and they sit on a bench in the shade while they eat them.

 

“You’re being awfully nice to me today.” Nino observes, since Jun has paid for the ice creams too. “What’s the occasion?” To his surprise, Jun looks uncomfortable. He turns away and refuses to meet his eyes. “…What?” Nino prods, frowning curiously now.

 

“Nino,” Jun starts solemnly, dropping his half-finished ice cream in the trash to his left and then folding his hands. “There’s something I have to tell you, and you’re not going to like it.”

 

Nino stares at him for a long moment, feeling dread well up in the pit of his stomach. “… Tell me.”

 

Jun takes a deep breath and then turns to face him. “I know about the panda.”

 

Nino feels his blood run cold. There is something about the way Jun is staring at him that he really doesn’t like. He looks apologetic. “Why are we here?” He chokes out.

 

“Nino, I’m sorry—“

 

Nino stands up. The ice cream falls to the gravel path by his feet. “Take me home, Jun.” He demands, voice strained. “Now.”

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino sprints from the car to his front door, digging around in his pocket for his keys. The keys are there, but his house key isn’t. “What-?!” He exclaims under his breath, checking again.

 

Jun reaches past him and turns the handle. It opens.

 

Nino bounds in and rushes from room to room, but he knows before he’s even checked them all that the house is empty. It feels empty. Pan-chan is gone, and all that’s left is his house key and a note in Aiba’s handwriting. Both are taped to the front of his fridge, and the note says “I’m sorry”.

 

Nino stands in the kitchen and stares for a long time. He hears Jun come in and stop somewhere behind him.

 

“…It’s better this way.” Jun says gently. “Masaki has his connections, and he was able to clear this up quietly. Your panda’s where she belongs now.” He pauses like he expects Nino to tell him he’s wrong or lash out.

 

Nino doesn’t know how to react. He’s angry that this happened behind his back, and that he didn’t get to say goodbye, and that he didn’t make the decision himself. “Please, just go.” Is what he says, and his voice shakes because he feels like he’s barely holding himself together right now.

 

“…Okay.” Jun says, and he goes.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

The days pass by in a blur. Nino takes on more projects just so he doesn’t have the energy to feel lonely when he goes home. He does his job on camera like a good idol, but he can’t find it in himself to actually communicate with the other members. Aiba apologizes to him profusely on several occasions, and Nino tells him that he isn’t mad but he doesn’t feel like talking about it. Jun and Aiba give him space, almost tip-toeing around him as if he’s a time bomb waiting to go off. Sho doesn’t say a word to him off camera, though he frequently looks like he wants to. Nino is constantly aware of Sho’s eyes following him, expression pained, but he can’t bring himself to return his gaze. Nino always turns away.

 

More than a week has passed when Ohno pulls him aside after the filming for an episode of VS Arashi. The hall Ohno leads him to is far from the business of the studio. There are plenty of storage rooms, but nobody else is around. Ohno turns to him with a gentle expression. “You’re still upset about what happened.” He says, and it’s an observation, not a question.

 

Nino looks down at his feet. Ohno had given no indication that he knew about what went down, but obviously he hasn’t been left out of the loop. He never is as oblivious as he appears to be.

 

“That’s okay.” Ohno continues, and before Nino realizes what’s happening, Ohno has wrapped him up in a warm hug. Ohno rests his chin on Nino’s shoulder, and Nino presses his nose into the crook of Ohno’s neck. He can feel Ohno’s heartbeat thumping steady in his chest, and he’s surprised to realize that his own pulse isn’t even accelerating. He just feels calm, and content.

 

“… I miss having her around.” He says quietly.

 

He feels Ohno nod. “How long will you be angry with MatsuJun and Aiba-chan?” He asks calmly, not sounding the slightest bit accusing.

 

Nino wraps his arms a little tighter around Ohno’s back. “I’m not angry… I just don’t know why this happened the way it did. I wish they’d talked to me first.”

 

“They thought you’d try to stop them. They were worried about you, so they acted a little rashly.”

 

“I know they meant well.”

 

“…Are you mad at Sho-kun?” Ohno asks.

 

Nino takes a long moment to answer. “Maybe.”

 

“He meant well too.”

 

“Maybe, but he said he’d let me make the decision and then went behind my back and made one for me.”

 

“Aiba mentioned to Jun that you had a bite mark on your arm that didn’t look like it was from a domestic animal. Jun got worried and told Sho. I don’t think Sho would have said anything otherwise.”

 

Nino sighs. “…She wasn’t vicious, you know.”

 

“Sho told us that she was friendly, but Jun said we couldn’t risk you getting more badly hurt or getting into any legal trouble. Aiba-chan made the arrangements for everything and Jun, as you know, distracted you long enough to take her away. They didn’t tell Sho they were doing it, because he would have tried to warn you.” Ohno pauses, his hand rubs up and down Nino’s back reassuringly. “He wanted them to let you decide, but they were afraid you’d make the wrong decision.”

 

“I wanted to let her go, but I didn’t know how to do it myself.” Nino sighs. “I just… didn’t want this to happen the way it did. You know?”

 

“Yeah.” Ohno nods, holding him a little tighter. “Things will get better, but you should talk to Sho. He feels really guilty.”

 

“Yeah… I will.”

 

Ohno starts humming something that sounds suspiciously like a song from The Little Mermaid, and rocks them back and forth to the rhythm.

 

Nino grins and allows himself to be led for a minute. “Hey,” he says after a while, “what part did you play in this whole scheme?”

 

Ohno chuckles a little sheepishly. “I stole your key…”

 

“You did?” Nino frowns. “When? I had it with me the whole time…”

 

“During the interview. Aiba-chan said I was probably the only one who could stick his hand in your pants without it being suspicious…”

 

Nino laughs hard enough that he cries, but it feels good. It feels a lot like letting go.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

It takes him three days to find the courage to contact Sho. In the end, it’s because he has a day off and spending it alone in his house is daunting. He asks Sho to meet him at the park Jun took him to that day. Sho replies almost immediately and says he can be there by four.

 

Nino spends the afternoon napping, waking up in time to change his clothes and tidy himself up. He drives to the park in silence and gets there at quarter to. Sho is already waiting for him.

 

“Hey.” Sho says, standing up awkwardly from the bench where he was sitting. He’s wearing a black ball cap and an old Keio sweater with the hood bunched up around his neck. It’s a little chilly, and Nino wonders how long he was waiting.

 

“Hi.” Nino responds, stopping a few steps away from him. Suddenly he doesn’t know what to say and there’s an awkward silence.

 

 “About what happened…” Sho starts apprehensively.

 

Nino shakes his head. “Oh-chan told me everything. Don’t worry, I-… I don’t blame you.”

 

Sho considers this. “…I’m still sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

 

Nino shrugs. “Whatever. It’s over now anyway.”

 

Sho nods, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

 

There’s a vendor selling fries and burgers from a stall on the bend in the path ahead. The smell of grease and salt is carried towards them on a cold breeze and Nino immediately craves something hot and unhealthy. “Let’s get something to eat.” He says, shoving his hands deep in his coat pockets and trudging down the path. Sho follows, keeping step beside him. The leaves above them rustle and the gravel crunches beneath their feet. Nino orders for them both, even going so far as to shove Sho’s hand away and pay for both meals himself as a token of good will. He flashes Sho a smile while their food is handed over, and then reaches out and shoves a fry in his mouth. When Sho laughs and shoves him, he knows things are going back to normal.

 

They walk as they eat, talking about safe topic like work and their mutual friends. By the time they’ve made a loop of the park the sun has set and Nino has almost forgotten about the earlier tension.  He feels lighter, almost drunk on the humorous conversation they’ve been having. “Well,” he says with a pleased sigh as they slow to a stop. Cars pass by on the street above but the park is softly lit and quiet, like it is worlds away from the rest of the city around them.

 

“Thanks for inviting me out.” Sho says earnestly, he looks so relieved that it’s almost comical.

 

“No problem.” Nino says casually, shoving his hands in his pockets and watching the red glow of taillights pass them by. “I’m glad we’re okay.”

 

“Me too.” Sho agrees. Three teenage girls come around the bend in the path and the two of them duck their heads until they’ve passed. “…I missed hanging out like this. It’s been awhile.”

 

“It has.” Nino nods. “A week and five days.” He observes for the second time in several months.

 

A grin spreads slow and lopsided on Sho’s face. “You’ve been counting?” He asks.

 

Nino smiles back. “Yeah, I have.” Is what he says this time.

 

Sho pauses as if he has something more to say, and then drops his gaze with an awkward chuckle. “Nino…” He starts, and takes a deep breath before lifting his head again. He pulls a folded piece of paper from his pocket and holds it out. “Here.”

 

Nino takes the paper tentatively. “What’s this?” He asks as he unfolds it. Inside is a name and an address scrawled in a messy jumble of characters.

 

Sho watches nervously as his eyes scan the paper. “I convinced Aiba to write down where Pan-chan is living now. It’s a new panda conservation group at Ueno Zoo, they’ve been trying to breed pandas and raise the offspring in captivity, with surrogate mothers. Aiba said that’s where your Pan-chan came from. A couple of the babies got away from the facility and wandered off while the keepers weren’t looking. They found one, but the other went missing.”

 

“But… my place is nowhere near Ueno Zoo… Pan-chan was so tiny back then, she could never have gone all that way on her own.” Nino frowns. “And there was a tag around her neck that said ‘a gift for you’…”

 

Sho shrugs. “Maybe a crazy fan found her and thought she’d make a nice present?”

 

Nino blinks. “…Maybe I should change my address…”

 

“In any case, Aiba said a friend of his who wanted to remain anonymous found her in the woods and asked Aiba for advice about what he should do with her. The conservationists were more than happy to take her back without any fuss, particularly because they’d tried to avoid a scandalous media investigation by being quiet about the fact that she’d gone missing in the first place.” Sho continues, fidgeting with the worn cuffs of his sweater. “So you don’t have to worry about getting into any trouble.”

 

Nino nods and folds the paper again. “Thanks, Sho.”

 

Sho waves him off as Nino shoves the paper into his jeans pocket and they both begin walking up to the street. “Aiba made all the arrangements; I just bothered him into telling me the details.”

 

Nino chuckles as they part ways on the sidewalk. “Then thank you for being so annoying for my sake.”

 

Sho’s smile is pleased and lit up brilliantly by the headlights of a passing van as he watches Nino go. “Any time!” He calls.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

At about 3 am, Nino dials Sho’s cell number.

 

 _“Is everything okay?”_ Is how Sho answers, sounding groggy with sleep but notably concerned.

 

Nino feels bad for waking him, but he can’t sleep until the question that’s been plaguing him since he got home is answered. The paper containing Aiba’s crude handwriting is clutched tight in his hand. “Everything’s fine. Sorry I’m calling so late…”

 

Sho waits patiently for him to continue.

 

“Um, I have a question.” Nino folds and unfolds the paper again. “That Panda Conservation thing… can people visit that?”

 

 Sho hums thoughtfully, probably not awake enough to come up with an immediate answer. _“I don’t think people normally can, but Aiba has connections there because of TSD. And they owe him for bringing Pan-chan back… If you called him he could probably get you in to visit her.”_

 

“…Cool. That’d be great.”

 

 _“Yeah.”_ They fall silent for another moment before Sho speaks up again, voice distorted at first by a yawn. _“You should get some sleep.”_ He says. _“You’ve got to be up early to film that Shiyagare segment, don’t you?”_

 

He does. His alarm is set to go off at 5:30. “…Hey, Sho-kun?”

 

_“Hm?”_

 

“…Would you come with me, if Aiba says I can go visit her?” He bites his lip, waiting a moment that feels like forever for Sho to answer.

 

When he does, Sho sounds like he might be smiling. _“Sure. I’ll come with you.”_

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino calls Aiba as soon as he’s done shooting for Shiyagare. He gets his voicemail and decides to leave a panicked message claiming that a Junba sex tape has been leaked to the media and that Aiba should thus call him back immediately to explain himself.

 

Jun calls him within the hour, and he doesn’t sound very amused. _“Very funny, Kazunari.”_

 

“Wasn’t it?”

 

 _“No.”_ Jun deadpans. _“That idiot believed you.”_

 

“So you _are_ sleeping with him?”

 

 _“Cut it out.”_ Jun says stuffily. _“He assumed they must be look-a-likes in the video, or something.”_

Nino cackles.

 

_“He called me, freaking out.  I told him you were probably just messing with him, but you’d better tell him yourself before he gets all tied up in a knot over this.”_

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will.” Nino says, and does call Aiba as soon as Jun hangs up. “Yo,” he greets, “you’re way too gullible.”

 

Aiba makes a noise somewhere between scandalized, distressed, and relieved. _“That’s mean, Nino! I almost called Johnny, you know?!”_

 

Nino has to bite his fist to keep from roaring. “Sorry.” He chokes out. “I wanted to ask you for a favor, actually.”

 

 _“You’re a little warped if you think that was a way to get on my good side…”_ Aiba grumbles, but he sounds amused despite himself. Aiba almost always gets a kick out of being pranked, it’s a weird quirk of his and also part of the reason they’ve been such good friends for so long.

 

“Sorry,” Nino apologizes again anyway, “I was hoping you’d call me back sooner if you were freaking out a little.” He chuckles.

 

 _“A little? MatsuJun thought I was going to have a stroke.”_ Aiba complains, but he’s already laughing about it. _“What did you want from me?”_

 

“Actually, Sho-kun and I met up yesterday…”

 

 _“Oh…”_ Aiba drawls suggestively. _“You’re looking for advice.”_

 

“Um, no. Why would I want advice from you?”

 

 _“Because, I am an expert in matters of the heart!”_ He exclaims half-seriously. Nino chokes a little. _“My expertise is really only with women, but I’ve always thought Sho-chan was a bit of a girl when it came to these things anyway so my knowledge is probably still applicable.”_

 

“…You’re kidding right? I’m not looking for love advice!” Nino exclaims, and then reels himself in because he knows he sounds too flustered. “I’m not looking for advice at all, you idiot.” He hisses.

 

Aiba laughs long and hard at his expense, and Nino refrains from hurling insults because he probably deserves to be teased a bit after his earlier prank.

 

“All right, enough.” He snaps after a moment or two. “As I was saying, Sho-kun told me about where Pan-chan is staying.”

 

 _“Oh,”_ Aiba sobers a bit. _“Did he? It’s a nice place. She’ll be well cared for and everything. And she can be with other pandas.”_

 

“Yeah, it sounds great.” Nino agrees. “Do you think I could… go there? Sometime?”

 

 _“Oh yeah! I figured you would. I’m not mean enough to separate you from her totally, you know.”_ Aiba chuckles, and Nino smiles too because there’s really no doubt about Aiba’s good intentions. _“Just give me a couple days, okay? Um, Saturday morning I can meet you there if you want.”_

 

“Okay.” Nino answers, a little surprised that Aiba’s coming though that should probably have been a given. “Um, Sho-kun is coming too, if that’s fine.”

 

 _“Course he can.”_ Aiba says, and Nino can hear the irritatingly huge grin in his voice. _“You sure you don’t want any advice?”_

 

“Shut up.” Nino growls, and then on second thought adds a clipped “Thank you” before hanging up. He texts Sho to tell him the date and time of their excursion.

 

Sho texts back and says he’ll make sure he’s free.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

It’s just past nine when they arrive at the centre. Aiba is waiting outside and he greets them both as excitedly as if he hadn’t just seen them the day before. It’s a fairly plain building, inside and out. Aiba introduces them to all the keepers that work there and they’re taken on a tour to see all six of the young pandas being raised at the centre. It’s a nice as Aiba said it would be. The pandas are playing in an enclosure that looks like something out of the forest, clambering over logs and rocks and each other. They’ve all been given Chinese names, but Aiba quietly points out which one is his Pan-chan while their tour guide is busy explaining the daily care schedule to Sho.

 

“Can we play with them?” Aiba asks, because Nino doesn’t have the guts to.

 

The tour guide looks a little wary, but Aiba’s grin is persuasive and he _can_ be sensible when he’s dealing with animals. He lets them into the room after they’ve changed into the same white jumpers that the keepers wear and have thoroughly washed their hands.

 

Nino is suddenly struck by a case of nerves as the keeper shuts the door behind them. Pan-chan looks so happy roughhousing with the other pandas. He’s excited to see her again, but afraid that she won’t even care that he came. Sho catches his eye and gives him an encouraging half-smile, and the group of them crouch down on the dirt floor.

 

The keeper calls out and the pandas, noticing their presence, all come waddling and tumbling over. Pan is snuffling around the keeper, and Nino tries his hardest to act like he’s giving the other animals his full attention, and not only focusing on one in particular.

 

He’s just starting to feel discouraged (only mildly cheered up by how stiff and nervous Sho gets when the biggest of the pandas starts sniffing his ear) when a furry head shoves its way under his arm from behind him, forcing him to stop petting one of the babies that Aiba is fawning over.  He looks down in surprise and immediately recognizes the eyes staring up at him from a black mask. A grin spreads on his face. “Hi, Pan-chan.” He whispers, and is immediately bowled over by her trying to lick his face and paw at him. He can’t stop laughing, there are tears in his eyes and the keeper probably thinks he’s crazy, but he doesn’t even care. “I missed you.” He says, wrapping his arms around her strong frame and burying his face in her fur.

 

Pan-chan hugs him back.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

There’s only so long they can stay at the centre before they overstay their welcome. Aiba has work to do elsewhere in the afternoon, but Nino and Sho decide to make their way to the zoo and walk around for a bit. A bit turns into multiple hours of going exhibit to exhibit. Nino doesn’t think he’s felt so light in ages, and he suspects he might not have stopped smiling since the reunion with Pan. His face certainly feels like he hasn’t; the muscles are stiff and sore, but he’s still so damn cheerful that he doesn’t have the heart to care.

 

When the zoo closes at five they walk to a soba stall to eat, slurping noodles and sake until the sun has set over the trees of Ueno Park and they’re both full and pleasantly buzzed. Nino heaves a content sigh, stretching on the sidewalk while Sho pays for their meals. “Ready to go?” Sho says as he turns around, pocketing his wallet, and Nino nods.

 

They walk side by side down the sidewalk, making small talk as they go. It isn’t that late, but the street they’re on is surprisingly quiet. “Thanks for coming with me today.” Nino says. The bright lights of a train station are visible a couple blocks ahead and they continue ambling towards them.

 

Sho smiles. “No problem. I’m glad you invited me.”  He slows down, watching the street light above them flicker. It burns out as they pass below it, throwing their section of the sidewalk into darkness. “You should invite me again sometime.”

 

“Why?” He questions. Sho stops walking entirely and Nino turns to face him. “I thought big animals made you uncomfortable?”

 

“But I had fun today.” Sho says, taking off his cap and ruffling his fingers through his hair in an attempt to get rid of his hat head. It doesn’t really work, but the dorkiness of it is endearing and it’s so dark where they are that even if someone passed they’d be unlikely to recognize either of them.

 

Nino laughs quietly. “Sho-kun having fun playing with bears. That’s surprising.”

 

Sho smiles almost nervously. “I think I could get used to the bears, eventually.” He says, inching closer. “I just—… I like spending time with you. I really like it.”

 

Nino swallows, feeling his eyes go wide on their own as he realizes how close they’re standing. They’re standing on a sidewalk in the dark, just the two of them. Sho’s fingers brush against his arm, and close loosely around his elbow as if he thinks the bone will shatter with just the slightest pressure. “…Sho?” He forces out, his voice sounds faint in the closing space between them. _We’ll miss the next train_ he thinks briefly, but he can’t bring himself to move or stop what he suspects is about to happen.

 

“Kazu, I—“ Sho starts in a voice that’s barely a whisper. He hesitates for a heart stopping moment, so close that Nino can’t focus on his features without going cross-eyed, and then -with a deep breath for courage- Sho kisses him.

 

It isn’t anything like Nino has imagined it would be if one day he was on the receiving end of a group member’s love, lust, or curiosity. And he has imagined it, yes, because fanfiction is out there, and most of it is slash, and he is often very bored. But Sho’s kiss is not overflowing with undying passion or barely restrained sexual frustration. In fact, it’s almost painfully normal. Nino might even say that the short and uneventful press of lips against his own is a bit anticlimactic after the shock he felt while Sho was leaning in.

 

Sho looks like he can tell Nino is unimpressed and, when Nino looks closer, he sees the older man’s hands shaking. As if following his gaze, Sho shoves his hands into his sweater pockets and proceeds to swallow awkwardly. Nino proceeds to feel bad.

 

“Sho…”

 

“I’m sorry.” Sho rushes, taking a step backwards.

 

“Hold on,” Nino frowns, “You don’t need to apologize.”

 

“Sorr—… ‘K.” Sho bites his lip.

 

Nino rolls his eyes. “Sho. …You kissed me?”

 

Sho nods, staring to the side, at the ground, anywhere but at Nino’s face. He seems to have fallen mute.

 

“Why?” Nino continues, figuring that is the most important point to get to.

 

Sho sighs heavily and scuffs his boot against the cement. His shoulders are sloping more than they usually do. “I… wanted to?”

 

“Are you asking me?” Nino snorts, and then nudges Sho’s boot with the toe of his own. “Hey, tell me why you wanted to.”

 

“…You’re going to make me say it?”

 

Nino rolls his eyes again. “You had the courage to kiss me, but not to confess? Don’t be a baby.”

 

“You figured it out anyway, without me saying anything about confessing…”

 

“Random kisses like that usually are accompanied by confessions, aren’t they?” Nino clicks his tongue. “It was the obvious conclusion, I just wanted to hear you say it.”

 

Sho bites his lip a moment longer before he finds the determination to look up from the pavement. “I love you.” He announces; voice quiet, and deep, and almost hoarse.

 

Nino blinks, caught off guard by the sincerity in Sho’s tone. Sho’s eyes are dark and bright all at once, and suddenly Nino is the one who feels uncomfortable meeting his gaze.

 

“I do. Probably for a few years now… but you were distracted so I didn’t want to say anything.”

 

“Distracted?”

 

Sho looks uncomfortable. “By Ohno-kun, right?”

 

“Oh-chan?” Nino blinks again, and then frowns. He thinks for a second before he speaks. “… I don’t think I love him.” He says honestly, only mildly surprised by this revelation. What he once felt for Ohno seems now like a boyhood crush that he has finally put behind him.

 

Sho steps closer and his hands leave his pockets. Nino’s heart starts dancing and Sho smiles crookedly. “Good.” Sho says quietly, one of his hands skittering up to the crook of Nino’s arm while the other fingers the short dark hairs at the nape of Nino’s neck. “I’m glad.”

 

The second time Sho kisses him is a lot more like he’s imagined, and maybe even better. They have to catch a later train, but neither of them honestly care.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

 

Nino goes to pester the staff at the Panda Conservation Centre every few months. They’ve grown to look forward to his visits, and while Nino loves visiting his Pan-chan, he’s okay with spending the months between visits without her. He’s never lonely anymore.

 

Aiba no longer bothers accompanying him on these visits (though he calls a lot and leaves voicemails full of ‘advice’), but Sho always tags along. He’s gotten more comfortable around the big black and white animals, and the biggest one has taken a particular liking to him –much to Sho’s initial distress. Sho and Nino usually make a day of these trips. They walk through the park or visit the museums, eat cheap food from the vendors and stalls along the way, and ride the train home together.

 

And sometimes, if the train isn’t busy, and nobody’s paying attention to them, they’ll call it a date and hold hands.

 

*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*

THE END  
  
*~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~* *~.~*


End file.
